Room 118

February 22^nd.

Life really really changed for me.

I inherited a little family.

I mean, I knew I was just a long-term sub.

BUT you know the breath of God is over something when you randomly start thinking of a class you subbed for earlier in the month. And you start crying. And praying. And it’s like you can feel the rhythm of God’s heartbeat for a particular group of kids.  And then ten minutes later, this is NOT A JOKE, you get a call asking if you would be willing to take over that classroom until the end of the year.

Like, hello? WHAT?

So I showed up on my first day… Full of enthusiasm, freshly sharpened pencils, butterflies in my tummy, and some bubble gum bribery goods.

A few minutes in and….. CRASH! Stuff fell out of a cupboard onto my head. Uh-oh. Um… little fact about me… I just love organized things. I started feeling a bit nervous.

I kept on teaching, and a little girl raised her hand with a totally straight face and simply said: “ I’m bored.” And just like that, the enthusiasm started to sway like a little kid who can’t balance on a bike without training wheels. “Uhhhhh….NO! My name is Alyssa JOY for cryin out loud!  Fun is practically my middle name. And this classroom is going to be a FUN PLACE! Bored?!?! “( Disclaimer:Thankfully, these thoughts did not actually come out of my mouth.)

Kids poked at any button they could find.

They poked at my feet when I would read stories to them on the carpet. Like, seriously? Just stop.

 Expecting straight quiet lines in the hallway seemed like trying to teach Mandarin.

 Some days, chairs went flying and attitudes were raging. Playground dramas were brewing. Eyes were rolling. Kickers were kickin.   Miss G was a yellin( Something I swore I NEVER would do. Yell at kids? NO! pahahah I’m SO above that. #humilitytraining)  My blood pressure was rising. My tear ducts were flooding.  

“o, oo, uff, off, aw, ow”  I will forever hear the sounds of the phonogram “ough.”  It was the classes’ favorite phonogram to shout out with enthusiasm in our daily oral phonogram review. It gave me a chance in my head to scream what I was really feeling deep inside: “ o my word!” “oooooooo I have no idea what I’m doing!” “ ufff, I’m starting to get irritated.” “offfff…just please kids, for once, keep your hands off of my stuff.” “awwwww….I don’t know if I am gonna make it! “ “owwwww, my voice just hurts from trying to be heard up here, ya’ll”

“Sweet Lord Sustain me.  You carry me sweet Lord, you carry me on the wings of Love. Holy, Light of my face, You are welcome in this place.” A song we used to sing at Harvest School in Mozmabique seemed to be on repeat in my head.

“Just keep showing up, just keep showing up, just keep showing up, just keep showing up.” I would tell myself this on the hard mornings when I could barely peel myself out of bed.

And you know what I discovered? Showing up matters.

Little by little the kids started trusting me. They would say to me: “Sing to us, Miss G.  Can you sing to us?”

So for the kids who were feeling angry I would just sing: “ You’ve got joy joy joy deep in that heart! You’ve got joy joy joy deep in that heart.” Pretty soon the whole class was joining in singing to their classmates and cheering them on.

On the anxious days we would just sing about peace like a river. On days when we were feeling defeated I would sing “ You’re never gonna let, you’re never gonna let me down.”

Sometimes we are singing an anthem for others, but God is singing it right back into our own hearts to fuel us and keep us going. Funny how He does that.  

“Sometimes you just  gotta sing your way into the truth.” –Laura Hackett

 And you know what? Holding onto truth also matters. Because, joy started coming.

One day I fell off of my stool from laughing about a poem that the kids and I found to be absolutely hysterical.

Laughing fits  would randomly come because I would get overwhelmed by how PRECIOUS they were.

Kids would start saying the most hilarious and witty things at random moments when I really needed it.

One boy, with the most perfectly adorable and intense facial expressions I have ever encountered, stood up one day when I started laughing while telling them a story.

“ OK YOU ALL ! WE ALLLLLLL know what’s gonna happen. Miss G is gonna start laughing because she thinks we are funny. And she loves us. And she is gonna laugh SO HARD that her face turns RED!”

HA! He had it figured out.

The kids started realizing that they are funny. Funny in a good way.  That matters.

I started realizing that I’m funny. Like, ya’ll, I can make up a LEGIT rap about why it’s important to be quiet…. on the spot. We will make up a dance to anything, and  find ANY reason at all to speak in British or southern accents.

Life was meant to be full of finding the funny. Don’t you think? And especially in 2^nd grade. You only get your childhood once. And laughter should come as naturally as breathing.

Even with all of the breakthrough, there was one day that I still tried to quit. Sometimes I needed to call in for help so I could just go for a walk down the hallway and let the tears sneak out. Praise the LORD for awesome staff around me who are SO supportive. Seriously, some of the most amazing people I’ve ever met. Amazing, amazing, selfless people.  That’s another thing, just keep showing up, and you will start to see the “amazing” in people.

So tomorrow,  I will show up one last day with these 2^nd graders. I’m sure I will cry all the tears and hug all the big bear hugs.  I will laugh as I hear kids say “ I see the gold in you.” “You’re a world changer.”  I will feel proud when they cheer for a classmate who wins a prize rather than pouting when they aren’t a winner because we are “better together.,”It’s like all of those little “family meetings” where we talked about kindness actually soaked into their little brains and heart? WHAT?!

So tonight, I’m thankful that God gave me the grace to keep showing up.

Because…He shows up for me every day.

It's the least I could do. Really.