Be You're (Your) Self. And honey, there may be a few spelling errors.

 I'm a first year teacher.

There is so much advice.

It feels like there is so little time.

Tick, tock, tick, tock.

The clock dances on.

 Sometimes looking at Pinterest makes me feel convinced  that I’m  about to vomit. I don’t even want to look at all this cutesy stuff. I’m just happy to make it to 4:05 most days and to have accomplished MOST of the things written in my plans.

And apparently these 17 little minds are growing?

You should be more strict. Have higher expectations. Have more fun.  You should be more gentle. PUSH, PUSH, PUSH, PUSH.  Learning Objectives should be called learning targets. Scratch that—they should be called learning goals.  Higher expectations. We need to focus more on science. Those math drills need work.   Rewards. Consequences. More RIGOR.  Make sure they’re up and moving. Incorporate more technology. More eyes on text.  Keep them ENGAGED ALL DAY. Comprehension skills. Team building.  Move those scores UP UP UP.  Data walls. Make PLANS with details.   Write MORE. Read longer. Higher level thinking skills. How are they doing emotionally?  Get trained in new reading programs. They need more choices. Meetings. Making more changes. Did you grade those math tests yet? Report cards.  New seating. Change the bulletin boards.

Sometimes my mind is spinning with the simple tasks of running a classroom. In the midst of that, it tries to keep up with the day-to-day 2^nd grade “dramas.”

 “Miss G, they are making fun of me for picking my nose!”

 “Sweetheart, maybe it’s best not to pick your nose. Go get some hand sanitzer and a Kleenex.”

“Miss G! I spilled my breakfast ALL OVER MY LIBRARY BOOK!”

“Miss G! I’m pretty sure I’m gonna throw up! “

“Miss G! Did you know it’s MARCH AND IT”S MY BIRTHDAY IN MARCH!”

·  After hearing this for the FOURTEENTH time in one day I try to use  my most forced patient voice:  “YES dear, I’m so excited!”

“Miss G! I lost my homework again! “

“MISS G! I’m booooaaaaard”

“NO sir, we don’t use that word in this room.”

“Miss G! I don’t GET it! “

“Ok, let’s try again!” ( IN my mind I’m thinking I DON”T KNOW HOW ELSE TO EXPLAIN! I wish I could just DUMP IT into your mind.”

“Miss G, nobody likes me. “

“You know that isn’t true, beautiful girl. You are so loved HERE.”

“Miss G, HE CUT ME IN LINE! “

“MISS G! Are you even wearing makeup today? Are you tired?”

“Miss G! Your dress makes you look pregnant. I don’t like it.”

Miss G, Miss G, Miss G, Miss G. FOR THE Love of everything that starts with G, if I hear my name ONE MORE TIME…….. phew. Breath in, breath out. Love is patient. Love is kind.

And there are moments where I just laugh at the things I hear myself saying because they are so ridiculous!  There are many  things  that teacher’s college ( Bless them, LORD)  doesn’t prepare you for.

“ Don’t you even think about running out of that fire door, SIR!”

“ I’m going to need you to write an apology note for calling her a ghost. You can see that her feelings are hurt.”

“Sweetheart, 5 minus 1 is NOT 7, let’s try that again.”

“ DO NOT put that math game piece in your mouth!”

“If you lock yourself in the bathroom again, I’m going to be calling your mama.”

“ No sweetheart, Donald Trump is not George Washington’s son."

 “Some friends make sad choices, like throwing things at Miss G, or ruining things in our classroom.   We do not need to copy that example. YOU can choose to be a leader and make great choices. Do we all understand?” 

"Honey, please stop trying to untie my shoe when you are sitting on the carpet."

There are many days when I think: “I CAN”T BELIEVE I GET PAID TO DO THIS ! WHAT A DREAM!”

There are other days when I can’t  WAIT run down that BEASTLY set of stairs to the parking lot fast enough. All I want to do  is  jump into the blissful silence that is in my vehicle and get away from that building PRONTO!

Through it all, one theme that seems to ring true this year is the constant reminder that God made me to be ME.

One day, I was feeling pressure. MEGA PRESSURE. Lies swirled in my head: “ You aren’t enough, you’re failing them, you’re wasting everyone’s time. They would be so much better off with somebody other than you. You need to change your teaching style. ” Tears streamed down my face as I sorted through pile after pile of unorganized paper chaos on my kidney table over plan time.  I USED TO BE WAY MORE ORGANIZED THAN THIS!  I decided to totally changed my style for the day. I decided to be STRICT, INTENSE, and tried my best not to laugh. We were here to LEARN  and GET THINGS DONE. 2^nd grade is very serious business, after all. ;)  Friends, it was awkward. Completely and totally awkward. I HATED it. I’m pretty sure my kids weren’t much of a fan of it either. Don’t get me wrong, I totally see and value the  principle of being disciplined and having high expectations.  It is SO important. Like, crazy important. But… for crying out loud, my name means JOYFUL JOY … it’s just totally unnatural for me to try to take things too seriously.

That very next day, a girl walked in with a picture for me that simply said:

“Be you’re self!”

Yes, yes, I know I probably need to do a lesson on the difference between “you’re” and “your.”  But, the little flaw in that poster seemed to make it an even more powerful little wink from Heaven. Be yourself. And honey, it’s not gonna be perfect.

I felt the Lord told me from the beginning of the year: “ I have hand picked the kids I am placing in your room because they need something that YOU and only you can offer to them in this little year of their lives.” The same is true of every teacher, and I am SO convinced of it.

We all carry something special. Something unique.  Gifts that God has given us to share with others.  It’s a sad day when we try to bury  those gifts because we start comparing them to others’ gifts and strengths.

If the main thing my 2^nd graders learn this year is JOY and THANKFULNESS, something I really feel the Lord has asked me to cultivate in my life, then that’s ok! I can trust that the reading, math, and writing skills will also all thrive as they learn to truly appreciate life to the FULLEST!

This week though, it happened again. I was tempted to try to be someone I wasn’t. A student was pushing my buttons.. She was hiding under her desk saying: “ I CAN’T DO IT. MY BRAIN FEELS BORED. I just don’t FEEL like doing my work, Miss G.”

I could feel my blood boiling over with frustration. I looked over at the sign “ BE YOU'RE SELF”

I felt tempted to lose it. To “set her straight” with big expectations and bossy commands.  But, that’s just not the  Miss G. way of approaching things ususally. 

  I paused and just asked God for love. He always delivers. It's like the words just flowed out: "Come here, princess! Let me sing you a song! I hugged her and sang over her. I looked like a total fool dancing around and snapping my fingers singing “ HUSTLE AND HEART will set you APART!  Random inpiration from a cheesy instagram post. Store those things in your memory...you never know when they can be used as inspirational songs. ;)   I asked her “ What do you want to be when you grow up, beauty?!” ohhh a POLICE OFFICER?! OH MY GOSH I CAN'T WAIT! You’re gonna be SO INCREDIBLE! “ Her eyes lit up. She started dancing with me. “Hustle and HEART will set me apart.”

Next thing I knew, she was eagerly filling out her phonics game paper she had just told me she couldn’t do.  She just needed to be reminded of that spunk and zest for life down in that little heart.

It’s almost like I could hear God laughing: “There’s MY Miss G!”

There are definitely days I have lost it. Days I have had to apologize to students for the snappy way I answered them. Days I let the frustration get the best of me.

But, I’m here to tell you, the most FRUSTRATING thing in the world is trying to be someone you are NOT. The world NEEDS YOU and your unique perspective and giftings. You’re loved and created with a breath-taking purpose.

So go BE YOU’RE ( YOUR) SELF! Cause there’s a God who made you and He’s stinkin' proud of how He formed you and how you reflect Him in a way that nobody else can!   ;) And can I tell you another little secret? You are most FULLY you, when you are completely totally surrendered to and LOST in the beautiful love of Jesus. He's so worth it. When you look at Him, nothing else matters anyway. I HIGHLY and COMPLETELY recommend getting to know Him.

Pslam 139:17-22 ( Message)

Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
    you formed me in my mother’s womb.
I thank you, High God—you’re breathtaking!
    Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
    I worship in adoration—what a creation!
You know me inside and out,
    you know every bone in my body;
You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
    how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;
    all the stages of my life were spread out before you,
The days of my life all prepared
    before I’d even lived one day.

^17-22 Your thoughts—how rare, how beautiful!
    God, I’ll never comprehend them!
I couldn’t even begin to count them—
    any more than I could count the sand of the sea.
Oh, let me rise in the morning and live always with you!