February 22nd.
Life really really changed for me.
I inherited a little family.
I mean, I knew I was just a long-term sub.
BUT you know the breath of God is over something when you
randomly start thinking of a class you subbed for earlier in the month. And you
start crying. And praying. And it’s like you can feel the rhythm of God’s
heartbeat for a particular group of kids.
And then ten minutes later, this is NOT A JOKE, you get a call asking if
you would be willing to take over that classroom until the end of the year.
Like, hello? WHAT?
So I showed up on my first day… Full of enthusiasm, freshly
sharpened pencils, butterflies in my tummy, and some bubble gum bribery goods.
A few minutes in and….. CRASH! Stuff fell out of a cupboard
onto my head. Uh-oh. Um… little fact about me… I just love organized things. I
started feeling a bit nervous.
I kept on teaching, and a little girl raised her hand with a
totally straight face and simply said: “ I’m bored.” And just like that, the
enthusiasm started to sway like a little kid who can’t balance on a bike
without training wheels. “Uhhhhh….NO! My name is Alyssa JOY for cryin out
loud! Fun is practically my middle name.
And this classroom is going to be a FUN PLACE! Bored?!?! “( Disclaimer:Thankfully,
these thoughts did not actually come out of my mouth.)
Kids poked at any button they could find.
They poked at my feet when I would read stories to them on
the carpet. Like, seriously? Just stop.
Expecting straight
quiet lines in the hallway seemed like trying to teach Mandarin.
Some days, chairs went
flying and attitudes were raging. Playground dramas were brewing. Eyes were
rolling. Kickers were kickin. Miss G was a yellin( Something I swore I NEVER
would do. Yell at kids? NO! pahahah I’m SO above that. #humilitytraining) My blood pressure was rising. My tear ducts
were flooding.
“o, oo, uff, off, aw, ow” I will forever hear the sounds of the
phonogram “ough.” It was the classes’
favorite phonogram to shout out with enthusiasm in our daily oral phonogram
review. It gave me a chance in my head to scream what I was really feeling deep
inside: “ o my word!” “oooooooo I have no idea what I’m doing!” “ ufff, I’m
starting to get irritated.” “offfff…just please kids, for once, keep your hands
off of my stuff.” “awwwww….I don’t know if I am gonna make it! “ “owwwww, my
voice just hurts from trying to be heard up here, ya’ll”
“Sweet Lord Sustain me.
You carry me sweet Lord, you carry me on the wings of Love. Holy, Light
of my face, You are welcome in this place.” A song we used to sing at Harvest
School in Mozmabique seemed to be on repeat in my head.
“Just keep showing up, just keep showing up, just keep
showing up, just keep showing up.” I would tell myself this on the hard
mornings when I could barely peel myself out of bed.
And you know what I discovered? Showing up matters.
Little by little the kids started trusting me. They would say to me: “Sing to us, Miss G. Can you sing to us?”
So for the kids who were feeling angry I would just sing: “
You’ve got joy joy joy deep in that heart! You’ve got joy joy joy deep in that
heart.” Pretty soon the whole class was joining in singing to their classmates
and cheering them on.
On the anxious days we would just sing about peace like a
river. On days when we were feeling defeated I would sing “ You’re never gonna
let, you’re never gonna let me down.”
Sometimes we are singing an anthem for others, but God is
singing it right back into our own hearts to fuel us and keep us going. Funny
how He does that.
“Sometimes you just
gotta sing your way into the truth.” –Laura Hackett
And you know what?
Holding onto truth also matters. Because, joy started coming.
One day I fell off of my stool from laughing about a poem
that the kids and I found to be absolutely hysterical.
Laughing fits would
randomly come because I would get overwhelmed by how PRECIOUS they were.
Kids would start saying the most hilarious and witty things
at random moments when I really needed it.
One boy, with the most perfectly adorable and intense facial
expressions I have ever encountered, stood up one day when I started laughing
while telling them a story.
“ OK YOU ALL ! WE ALLLLLLL know what’s gonna happen. Miss G
is gonna start laughing because she thinks we are funny. And she loves us. And
she is gonna laugh SO HARD that her face turns RED!”
HA! He had it figured out.
The kids started realizing that they are funny. Funny in a
good way. That matters.
I started realizing that I’m funny. Like, ya’ll, I can make
up a LEGIT rap about why it’s important to be quiet…. on the spot. We will
make up a dance to anything, and find ANY reason at all to speak in British or
southern accents.
Life was meant to be full of finding the funny. Don’t you
think? And especially in 2nd grade. You only get your childhood
once. And laughter should come as naturally as breathing.
Even with all of the breakthrough, there was one day that I
still tried to quit. Sometimes I needed to call in for help so I could just go
for a walk down the hallway and let the tears sneak out. Praise the LORD for
awesome staff around me who are SO supportive. Seriously, some of the most
amazing people I’ve ever met. Amazing, amazing, selfless people. That’s another thing, just keep showing up,
and you will start to see the “amazing” in people.
So tomorrow, I will
show up one last day with these 2nd graders. I’m sure I will cry all
the tears and hug all the big bear hugs. I will laugh as I hear kids say “ I see the
gold in you.” “You’re a world changer.” I will feel proud when they cheer for a
classmate who wins a prize rather than pouting when they aren’t a winner
because we are “better together.,”It’s like all of those little “family
meetings” where we talked about kindness actually soaked into their little
brains and heart? WHAT?!
So tonight, I’m thankful that God gave me the grace to keep
showing up.
Because…He shows up for me every day.
It's the least I could do. Really.
