Chasing you

“I'm chasing you, I'm so in love

captivated, I just can't get enough…”

These lovely words from a Bethel worship song have echoed through my mind over and over this past week. It has been random how they popped into my mind out of nowhere. I haven’t listened to this particular song in months. However, do you know the crazy way that songs can just bring you back to a moment in time? It’s like a song comes on and WHAM! There you are in a moment in the past. This particular song was on repeat in the weeks following my return to the US after a dream come true summer at Harvest School in Pemba, Mozambique. Those weeks just feel so unreal and bizarre to me. There was lots of hugging, and eating feasts of American foods as I realized my poor belly was not prepared for such extravagance. I spent many nights staring at the ceiling jet-lagged as I tried to sleep wondering if this all had really happened. In the mornings, I would randomly burst into fits of laughter after realizing how blessed I was. Suddenly, I would find myself nearly bursting into tears missing beautiful friends I had lived with all summer who were now scattered across the globe. On top of this I was trying to process the fact that three of some of my closest friends had moved away from Nebraska. Along with this roller coaster of emotions, there was days of telling the same glorious stories over and over and over AND over again, each story like a little treasure tucked away in my heart that became alive again the minute I opened my mouth to share.  It was a blur beyond blur beyond blur. My body was in Omaha, Nebraska, my mind was totally stuck on Heaven, and my heart was still in the dirt of the village of Noviane.   I would go for long walks or drives and just listen to worship, trying to feel slightly  “normal” again, while at the same time realizing I never wanted to be “normal,” nor was I created to be “normal.” As His children, we were, in fact, crated for the extraordinary. As this song has been randomly brought to mind, seven months later, I feel compelled to share some of my process of transition and what the Lord did in Mozambique, because clearly I was in no state to do this those first few months of being home.

I'll spend MY DAYS running after your heart, your heart, your heart..

 Coming back from such a sweet time of just being with the Lord, and learning about His heart, it was easy to just say in wild surrender: “ YES JESUS! You can have it all. Everything! I’m holding nothing back! I’ll go anywhere! I’ll love anyone! I’ll do anything! I’ll say anything!” And it’s true. This is my heart cry. However, “I’ll spend “my days,”  means EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. Time, as always, keeps on chugging along. As days and months passed, I found myself feeling lost in this whirlwind of routine.My heart felt tempted to complain because and let’s be real, Lincoln Nebraska is just nowhere near as beautiful as Pemba, Mozambique. I felt tempted to judge rather than love in this land of excess after finding beauty in the poor, and yet seeing the richness woven within a life of simplicity.  Suddenly I was caught with the question: what does love look for my professors when I find my classes to be crazy annoying and pointless? They are just as much His kids as those precious babies I held in the dirt of Moz.  How do I stay fixed on His gaze when it’s freezing cold outside and everything just seems to mush together in this snowy slushy blur of homework, work, and repeat? Don’t get me wrong, there were many joyful moments with beyond beautiful friends and family, and the kiddos I work with at my jobs here in the states. However, I slowly felt my passion dwindling. It freaked me out. Passion had never been something I found myself running “low” on.  As I would tell some of my closest friends and family: “ I just feel numb sometimes.”  In those moments, I was reminded of the importance of community. It is crucial to lean on one another’s strengths and to allow others to remind us who we really are. Many times I was reminded to remember the testimonies of what He had done. This is exactly what I would do, and still do…

This life, this love

Was always meant to be

A wild crazy adventure

So  since I never formally communicated some of the beautiful things The Lord did during my wild crazy adventure in Pemba, here they are in a short spit fire “list form.” This list only puts a slight dent in the beautiful days at school, but this is the list that often plays through my mind on those “slushy, mushy, cold” days. 

~ Well, there’s the fact that He BROUGHT ME THERE! I spent years just looking at Iris’ website pouring over the pictures of sweet kiddos as I cried my eyes out knowing there was no option…..I HAD to know first hand the love He had for these people. The support was unreal. IN the months leading up to Harvest school it literally felt like I was floating around in this ginormous “love balloon” of support and prayer.

~He gave me a flying buddy! I asked Jesus, “What are the chances that another person from UNL would be going to Harvest school?”  Turns out this sweet gem named Adelle WORKED IN THE SAME BUILDING as me, and was going as well! He’s such a great orchestrator. Jesus knows flyin solo aint fun!

~ I was put in the BEST HOUSE ( for me) EVER! I lived with 12 other women from seven different nations. Each of them carried such beautiful gifts form Heaven. We drank way too much Milo, were a lil too loud with our many late night prophesy/ prayer sessions, read the Bible to one another most mornings while getting totally rocked with revelations of His goodness, learned to make rice and beans and beans and rice taste delicious, laughed our heads off with revelations of His love, cleaned the house to “Holy Ghoast Party,” snuck up to the student hut late at night just to worship and sometimes for the occasional dance party, washed one another’s hair in the rain, filled endless supplies of water bottles in a frenzy when the water WAS on to prepare for when it would be off,   and really learned to love each other through grumpy days, sad days, confusing days, sick days, and mostly happy happy beyond happy days. We celebrated many vicotories together! According to our beloved British roomie, Jodie “ We were all just a bunch of Jokers.” And that’s how children of God should be, right? Full of uncontainable JOY!

~ There was the time I stayed the night with a mama and her three gorgeous kiddos in a village. Jesus taught me about the simplicity of the kingdom. It was a crazy 24 hours of being surrounded by mobs of children and singing “hallelu hallelu hallelu hallelujah praiseee the LORD! “ over and over and over again. It felt a lot like Heaven, actually. 

~ Going to the BUSH with the amazing Green team ( another group of people I know the Lord strategically placed together) 

I was blessed to see  Jesus heal a sick baby, and to watch this family burn witch craft in the fire! Woohoo, let’s go! Come on, somebody!   Seeing Him just touch the sick and needy was incredible… it’s a mind blowing, humbling time out there in the bush, let me tell ya.

~Walking around Noviane ( village that surrounds the Iris base), having a blast just listening to Holy Spirit. Weekly Friday visits to hang out with kids at the Noviane Center, a place where kids are placed into family. They were so loving and so fun! Hugs from these kiddos never grew old. Each one was a gift from God.

~Meeting a sweet little boy in the village after the Lord taught me a lot about how when He creates each individual it is a special moment to His heart. I stopped to look at this lil baby in the eyes and said: “ Jesus loves you! You will know your Creator.” He said it straight back to me in perfect English, and then gave me a big kiss on the cheek.  My life was changed from that one lil encounter. Wow.

~Meeting Mama Maria. This is a woman full of strength and dignity. Some of my friends and I loved spending afternoons with this precious woman. As an 18 year old, she has a lot on her plate as a mama to her young ones. Yet, she treated us like princesses. I learned the beauty of hospitality through this woman! We even got to go on a "treasure hunt" with her one day, where we asked God for people he wanted to bless and then went out and found them! 

~Meeting to girls name  ANNA and  Azura. They are some princesses J  from the village. I would often hang out with them on the playground or see them at church. One day I was asking the Lord to REALLY show me His heart for the kids in Pemba. It was a windy, cloudy, evening, and Azura came and plopped herself on my lap  in the prayer hut and fell asleep. I have never felt the love of the Father for His kids as deeply as I did in that moment.

 ~Dance, dance endless passionate dance and worship every Sunday Morning for church.

~Sitting at the feet of radical world changers, and soaking in their wisdom. Listening to the beautiful stories God has written through their lives was beyond words can describe.  Being challenged to just give it all away.  Hearing testimonies of blind eyes opened, deaf ears restored, the lame walking, food multiplying and most importantly souls being saved…. Week after week, after week.  Worshiping in the student hut with over 300 others who would give their lives for the sake of beautiful Jesus.

~ There was  one night where me and some housemates had been worshiping in the school hut. Walking back we were so overwhelmed by his love and “ HIS BIG HEART.” We had to stop and sit down. When we stood up, there was a perfect heart traced in the dirt. He does indeed, have a sense of humor!

~Just being with Jesus. Morning after morning sitting in this beautiful prayer hut, watching the sun rise, and trying to comprehend His goodness.

From the moment I rise

To the moment I sleep

My affection is for you

And even as I dream

I wanna know you

I'm after your heart..”

WHEN I stop to reflect on what He has done, my only response can be to be thankful. He is worthy of a thankful heart, even in the mundane.  I am being honest and vulnerable, seven months later, in saying that my transition back to the US from Harvest school was not exactly what I expected it to be. I have had to repent for many mornings of a bad heart attitude.  But He is always teaching us new things, even when it doesn’t feel like a “wild crazy adventure.” With Him, everyday is an adventure.

The thrill, the rush, the more of you I see, the more it leaves me wanting, You’re everything.

I feel that I am more convinced than ever about this revelation… It’s all about His Presence. His heart is so big. He is everywhere. When we can learn to find Him anywhere and everywhere, that is when the REAL adventure begins.  Suddenly, every person we encounter is this insane mysterious masterpiece that is so worthy of love. It becomes overwhelming as we are invited more and more into His heart for His Kids. Suddenly, every breath is this amazing gift and our eyes are filled with wonder at this beautiful gift of life. Tonight I was hit with the revelation: As long as I am with Him, all powerful, beautiful, crazy hilarious, generous, violently loving, so beyond worthy, Jesus….. it will be more than enough. It doesn’t matter where I am. Just give me Jesus. My every day be an adventure for you friends, as more and more, He becomes your Everything!